y=mx+b/c

the more i think about it, the more i think that art is just for the artist- but not in that way. that egotistical, cathartic, bleeding heart all over my shoes kind of way. it can be, if that is the artist, but i think most viewers have a hard time looking at such art unless they are hardcore voyeurs. 

art can be for politics, for the renaissance, for friends, for beer... but ultimately, it's to satisfy some curiosity in the artist and some selfish desire to see it manifested. 

[dude, i'm sitting here watching the Today show, and i really want to humiliate all of these people in some way... they seem so happy in their average little cages. i want to see Jerry springer bring his 3 ring circus in here...]

that's my personal curiosity. but i also wonder if we all lived in a world of artists would anyone care. if we were all making art to satisfy our own itches, what would a world of itches look like?

hm...

i've stopped trying to make sense :]

i am so b-a-d at blogging...

blogging killed my best friend...

not really, but it could have.

#2: i constantly have music in my head. right now it's "sax and violins" by the talking heads. they don't make a pill for this. last week, it was the birthday song and my birthday's in november.

c. i'm sorry i missed the meeting show people, possible show titles i came up with yesterday before passing out but forgot to write down:

one line paradigm
tertiary conclusions
the real world has IBS

... and i forget the rest. use if you want, hate if you will. the meetings are killing me, but i still love you all.

ps:
what is direction?
my heart is in the ocean, my head is in columbus, and my body's in the nati.
i think the hardest thing i've ever had to face is this ultimatum posed by life. i really despise the fact that i must "chose"... chose a pair of shoes, yes. where i want to live, ok. what i want to do, not so much. it changes every day from neurosurgeon, to wholistic medicine, to lotte berk trainer, to teaching, to bulahhhhh:
beluga whale.
now i am going to be singing baby beluga for the next two hours.
oh, no... wait, here comes journey...

but seriously. everyone seems to always have that "friend" who is "the most interesting 40 year old they know and has changed jobs, like, 80 times."
i don't want to be that type of 40.
that type of 20, cool beans, but 20 is going oh so fast. i'm, like, 22... an-cient...

for those of you who know that you're cultivating what drives you, i'm envious and happy. i think it comes down to a willingness to be blindsided by the challenges and mistakes that go along with what one does, and i think i have yet to find such a passion. i think they intentionally put the mac lab in plain site of the old building so that i would be reminded of when this was that passion- memories always seem more sunny to me.

so direction:
gotta get me some of that.
know where it grows?