Wednesday, March 26, 2008


the more i think about it, the more i think that art is just for the artist- but not in that way. that egotistical, cathartic, bleeding heart all over my shoes kind of way. it can be, if that is the artist, but i think most viewers have a hard time looking at such art unless they are hardcore voyeurs. 

art can be for politics, for the renaissance, for friends, for beer... but ultimately, it's to satisfy some curiosity in the artist and some selfish desire to see it manifested. 

[dude, i'm sitting here watching the Today show, and i really want to humiliate all of these people in some way... they seem so happy in their average little cages. i want to see Jerry springer bring his 3 ring circus in here...]

that's my personal curiosity. but i also wonder if we all lived in a world of artists would anyone care. if we were all making art to satisfy our own itches, what would a world of itches look like?


i've stopped trying to make sense :]

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

i am so b-a-d at blogging...

blogging killed my best friend...

not really, but it could have.

#2: i constantly have music in my head. right now it's "sax and violins" by the talking heads. they don't make a pill for this. last week, it was the birthday song and my birthday's in november.

c. i'm sorry i missed the meeting show people, possible show titles i came up with yesterday before passing out but forgot to write down:

one line paradigm
tertiary conclusions
the real world has IBS

... and i forget the rest. use if you want, hate if you will. the meetings are killing me, but i still love you all.

what is direction?
my heart is in the ocean, my head is in columbus, and my body's in the nati.
i think the hardest thing i've ever had to face is this ultimatum posed by life. i really despise the fact that i must "chose"... chose a pair of shoes, yes. where i want to live, ok. what i want to do, not so much. it changes every day from neurosurgeon, to wholistic medicine, to lotte berk trainer, to teaching, to bulahhhhh:
beluga whale.
now i am going to be singing baby beluga for the next two hours.
oh, no... wait, here comes journey...

but seriously. everyone seems to always have that "friend" who is "the most interesting 40 year old they know and has changed jobs, like, 80 times."
i don't want to be that type of 40.
that type of 20, cool beans, but 20 is going oh so fast. i'm, like, 22... an-cient...

for those of you who know that you're cultivating what drives you, i'm envious and happy. i think it comes down to a willingness to be blindsided by the challenges and mistakes that go along with what one does, and i think i have yet to find such a passion. i think they intentionally put the mac lab in plain site of the old building so that i would be reminded of when this was that passion- memories always seem more sunny to me.

so direction:
gotta get me some of that.
know where it grows?

Monday, February 4, 2008

what comes next

"Postmodernism, like modernism and romanticism before it, fetishised [ie placed supreme importance on] the author, even when the author chose to indict or pretended to abolish him or herself. But the culture we have now fetishises the recipient of the text to the degree that they become a partial or whole author of it. Optimists may see this as the democratisation of culture; pessimists will point to the excruciating banality and vacuity of the cultural products thereby generated (at least so far)."

alan kirby, "Death of Postmodernism and Beyond"

i think things will happen so quickly now, everything changes so fast, fads are in and out faster than a virgin boy that it doesn't really make sense to argue these points any more. the avante guard will never be able to exist again because the ideologies they protest will continue to shift at an ever faster rate. what comes next is something more genuine, to oneself and one's potential... i think our generation yearns for that. growing up in a world where everything meant nothing and something all at once, i think we want integrity to grab us and hold on. we want to believe in something, but the past has proved that the grand narrative will not provide the escape we need and the integrity we seek. postmodernism showed that anything could be possible with the right twist, and in this world of endless possibilities, it seems now more than ever being true to the voices in our heads is the best direction we can take, not for the sake of one's ego or celebrity or riches or material wealth, but because we genuinely could not see our lives any other way.

Monday, January 28, 2008


blog blog blog blog...

what a weird word